"Low self-confidence isn't a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered--just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better." Barrie Davenport
In the last 1-2 years, there has been increasingly more people tell me time and time again, "you're so confident" and they usually pair that with "you're so fit" or "I'm SO jealous of your body". The first thing that goes through my head is "no, you shouldn't be jealous, there's nothing to be jealous of". Then I take a step back and realize that these thoughts are my insecurities talking.
I do admit that over the past couple of years, through consistent training and change of nutritional habits, my body has transformed quite a bit. This physical transformation also came with a mental one as well and has resulted in an increase in self-confidence and decrease of insecurities with my body. You'll notice I said decrease and not absence. Absence would mean that I had no insecurities and that is the farthest thing from true.
Going from over 190lbs to 112lbs on stage, to a steady weight of 125-138lbs does indeed give you confidence (if you transformed your body the right and healthy way). Long are the days where I'm embarrassed to wear shorts or 2 piece bathing suits. So when I take this step back, I realize that when people comment on my new found confidence, they are also referring to this "new" body I've worked to achieve in the last couple of years and not my "over 190lbs" body. I also then have to realize that my body is a taaad more "healthy" and "fit" compared to the average 5 ft 3, 21 year old (I swear I'm not trying to sound cocky).
However, what most people don't know is that although it may seem as though I'm extremely confident now, in person and on social media. I don't take negative things said about me and my body to heart but believe me when I say I still have insecurities. A lot of these insecurities have gone away, such as my flabby arms and big legs. Once I began lifting weights, my arms toned up and so did my legs. Having my legs not progress the same way as the rest of my body allowed me to have to learn to embrace and love them. Although I've made a lot of progress, much like most people I have area's that I will forever be self conscious about.
Here's the honesty in this whole blog post; when was the last time you scrolled through my social media feed and saw me wear shorts or bottoms that were low-rise? Probably close to never and when you did, it was because that photo took close to 30-45 mins to take to ensure I hid away the parts I was insecure about....my "hanging belly".
I have extra skin and what I like to call a"hanging belly". This hanging belly is something that a lot of people face, such as women who've had kids or those who have been overweight.
If you would like me to touch more on the subject of bellies and the difference between a hanging one and the "beer" belly type, comment below and I'd be more than happy to touch on that subject.
However, for the purpose of this blog post, I'm sticking to the "hanging one". This basically means that the tummy hangs over your pelvis area and it's much harder to get rid of.
I have more stretch marks than you could imagine and they are still there. I still have TONS of extra skin on my body that's always been there and I still have yet to figure out when it'll go away.
No matter how hard I try to tell myself that I'm confident enough to wear low-rise shorts or small bathing suit bottoms, I'm not...because I simply don't feel confident in it.
When you're in the public eye and choose to showcase your life and fitness journey with others, it's important that you're honest with them. To be honest, it's taken me a while to be comfortable enough to admit to anyone other than myself that I still have these insecurities...It's hard, because you feel like you're a failure, when in reality, you're just human.
I've also recently came across a post from an old colleague of mine expressing her insecurities about the opposite....NOT wearing high-waisted bottoms but low-rise ones. This was shocking to me because I never knew. I always admired how confident and comfortable she was with her body that I just never thought that she had insecurities like that.....like me. I always thought to myself "I wish I could wear bottoms like she does and still be that comfortable".
But this just goes to show that everyone has insecurities, no matter how confident they seem. Those who show more confidence have most likely just learned to embrace some of their insecurities and/or learned how to hide them from the public eye.
Insecurities exist but don't let them define you and just because you have them, doesn't mean you're the only one.